(Playing around with a few lyrics of the song Caed gave me, and this came to me. This one's for one of my closest friends, and I know I'm the pot calling the kettle black, but change this song for me. Don't be afraid of love.)

We were so happy together
Till the fights came to tear us apart.
Our fairytale romance ruined by God knows what
You came in, you awakened me, and you took my heart.

I know you're not right
But that doesn't stop my tears at night.
I know we weren't meant to be
But that doesn't stop my yearning.

I never used to believe in true love
But you came along and shattered that lie.
And now I can't believe in love
Coz I can never have you in my life.

Why did I fall?
Why can't I forget?
Now I know I can never experience joy.
Not since you left.

I'm afraid of love.
So afraid of love.
I'm afraid of love.
So afraid.
That thing called love.

Somewhere deep down, I wanna believe
But my heart has gone through the wringer and been hung out to dry.
I have nothing left inside.
Not when she doesn't care if I cry.

I can't live my life alone.
But she left me nothing else.
All I can hope now is to block it out
Maybe pray for the grace to one day forget.

All I want now is to meet a nice pretty girl
Settle down, get married, have a family.
Happiness is the best I can settle for.
Not the passion of love that fills every fiber with joy.

I never used to believe in true love
But you came along and shattered that lie.
And now I can't believe in love
Coz I can never have you in my life.

Why did I fall?
Why can't I forget?
Now I know I can never experience joy.
Not since you left.

I'm afraid of love.
So afraid of love.
I'm afraid of love.
So afraid.
That thing called love.

I think I'm getting over you
Then you come back and curse my heart again
Go away. Stop talking to me.
Stop making me fall again.

I never used to believe in true love
But you came along and shattered that lie.
And now I can't believe in love
Coz I can never have you in my life.

Why did I fall?
Why can't I forget?
Now I know I can never experience joy.
Not since you left.

I'm afraid of love.
So afraid of love.
I'm afraid of love.
So afraid.
That damnation called love.

(Props for this go to Caedy for showing me a song on YT and to "Two is Better Than One", which played on the radio today. Never thought I'd be grateful for hearing that song again, but hey. Life is surprising sometimes---and inspiring at the randomest times too.)

I fell so head over heels
Fell so hard I struck my soul in pieces
You awakened my every sense and
Then you left me there to die.

Now I'm the lonely one.
And you're not coming back
Now I believe that two is better than one
Now, when it's too late to change a thing.
Now I'm the lonely one
Now that you're gone.

I'm afraid of love.

Now I believe in true love
And I know now that you were the one.
You were so wrong and so maddeningly right
You'll never come around again.
You were just one chapter in my life.

Now I'm the lonely one
And you're not coming back
Now I believe in that old song
That two is better than one.
Now I believe that true love exists
I tasted it in inebriating madness with you.
Now I know how a broken heart can keep on beating
Coz it's what I go through every day now that you're gone.
Now I'm the lonely one
Now that you're gone.

I'm afraid of love.

(Thanks on this song have to go to Kevin, who gave me the line "broken wing lover" [though idk if he meant it complimentarily or not :p ] and to Kara for a brief one-liner in one of her recent poems, both of which rubbed together to spark this. This wants to be a song but it needs definite editing work before that can happen... *cough cough* muse....)

[chorus] You are such a romantic
I don't understand it.
As many times as you've been so badly hurt
You'd think you'd recoil from even the risk of more scars.
You say you really shouldn't, you can't, trust people any more of the time
But you go and trust every person who comes into your life.
I can't get your evocative heartbreak off my mind
It seems every time you fall
You only learn to fly.

You're a broken wing lover.

[1st vs] People think you're a blithe happy girl full of pep
They obviously haven't looked into your eyes.
There are depths far too intricate to be built without grief.
Heartbreak the foundation of your life.

But you smile so beautifully to hide the tears
A most brilliant heartbreaking lie.
And you reach out to listen to those all around you
But no one holds you when you cry.

Is everyone else blind in this world?
Am I the only one who can see?
You heal others' broken wings while falling yourself
One look in your clear eyes and I see all the jagged fragments of your dreams.

[pre-chorus] Well he stole all your innocence.
And he's broken off your wings.
Only the beauty left so broken in your eyes
Soul fiercely muting the hope your heart still sings.

[chorus] You are such a romantic
I don't understand it.
As many times as you've been so badly hurt
You'd think you'd recoil from even the risk of more scars.
You say you can't trust people any more of the time
But you trust every person who comes into your life.
I can't get your evocative heartbreak off my mind
It seems every time you fall
You only learn to fly.

[2nd vs] You'll push a friend up to heaven if it sends you to hell
You cuss out those who break your loved ones' hearts, even if it's their fault.
You see the best in everyone no matter how much you shouldn't.
You patch up the open wounds of others from the blood from your own heart.

You're convinced you've fallen farther than anybody else
So you offer your wounds to all you can in the hope of saving them from your own fate.
How beautifully wrenching, your open trust, to try to save the world.
You rush to try to catch them instead of recoiling from heartbreak's dangerous weight.

[pre-chorus] Well he stole all your innocence.
And he's broken off your wings.
Only the beauty left so broken in your eyes
Bleeding soul fiercely muting the hope your heart still sings.

[chorus] You are such a romantic
I don't understand it.
As many times as you've been so badly hurt
You'd think you'd recoil from all of your scars.
You say you can't trust people any more of the time
But you trust every person who comes into your life.
I can't get your evocative beauty off my mind
It seems every time you fall
You merely learn to fly.

Broken wing lover.

[Optional 3rd vs]  You're a broken-hearted broken wing lover
Whose real smile vivaciously brightens my every day.
You singlehandedly take on the demons around us
You almost succeed in making love from our hate.

You're a broken wing lover and you've fallen far
But I love you---exactly who you are.
If you'd never fallen, you'd never have caught my eye
I am drawn to the beautiful way you carry your scars.

Despite your horrid wounds you still so passionately believe in love.
Your passion is beginning to wear away at my weary heart.
My jaded cynicism your fresh beauty and life is slowly tearing away
And I don't understand--I used to know that for hope, I've gone too far.

I'm starting to feel the butterflies I used to completely mock.
I'm not glad that you're broken--but if you had to fall, thank God you fell this far.
You're ripping away my scabbed-old defenses for a frightening ache so deliciously new.
I haven't said this for ages---but---I think I'm falling in love with you.

[pre-chorus] Well he stole all your innocence.
And he's broken off your wings.
Only the beauty left so broken in your eyes
Bleeding soul fiercely muting the hope your heart still sings.

[chorus] You're making me a romantic
I don't understand it.
As many times as you've been so badly hurt
You'd think you'd recoil from the fragile dreams of romance.
After being broken myself, I never thought I could trust a girl again in my life
But there's something about you....and you make me fall every time I look in your eyes.
I cannot get you off my mind
It seems every time you fall
You learn to brilliantly fly.

Broken wing lover.

(Look Ash, I broke the timeline. :p  )

First day I caught your gaze
Pretty soon we were falling
Head over heels so madly in love.

You didn't mind taking your time.
You broke down all my walls
And I opened up and let you come in.

Back then I couldn't breathe
And now I can't sleep
You were all I ever knew.

Our story was the fairytale I always wanted
And I spent it all for you; and now I'm haunted.
You said you'd always be my friend
I know now you knew that was just pretend.
So you kissed me and broke me and tore off my wings
Well, thank you for my happy ending.

So now I'm lying here
Bleeding on the floor
Last time I ever slept's when you were at my side.

We used to forget the world
So utterly absorbed in each other.
I never knew you knew it was all a lie.

Then I couldn't breathe
And now I can't sleep
You were all I ever knew.

Our story was the fairytale I always wanted
And I spent it all for you; and now I'm haunted.
You said you'd always be my friend
I know now you knew that was just pretend.
So you kissed me and broke me and tore off my wings
Well, thank you for my happy ending.

And you laugh at me
You kept it so well hidden
That was all pretend.

Well thanks for the memories
Don't worry.
I won't do it again.

(Thanks to Kara M. and Nathan C. for this one.)

Why is your heart so broken?
In those blue depths gather the violent tears
Take my hand; take my heart.
Lean your head here and cry on me.
I can help you endure this path;
I've walked it too many times before.
The dark side seems alluring
Until it leaves you cold.
It doesn't matter what you did
Or how well hidden are your scars.
My body is riddled with the wounds of past loves
I love you just the way you are.

Nothing you can say
Will turn me away.
When I let myself go
My love doesn't return.

Your past made you into your breathtaking beautiful and bleeding self today. Don't hide who you are.
And when it's too much to bear, I'll kiss away the pain till you forget it for this joy.
I love your beautiful scars.

(I. Hate. My. Muse. End of story.)
(And on a more applicable note, this is based on the irrationality of love. It makes no sense. It makes more sense not to fall. And those who haven't fallen in love before sometimes judge, sometimes look down their noses, think that if you were "strong" enough or had more self-control you wouldn't've fallen in the first place. For those of you who have fallen in love....you know that's not the case. No matter how much we might want it to be. So for those of you who have fallen in love against your will---this one's for you.)

It's like a murky puddle or a watercolor sky
And it feels like I'm falling and I don't know why.
But it ain't called losing my heart for nothing.

So maybe I'm clueless or maybe I'm naive
Or maybe it's your experience--so this ain't your first time. (Thief.)
A jaded view ain't easy to do when you're ripping it away
I swore off marriage, swore off love--
I'll take it back today.
It's called losing your heart for a reason.

Coz when you lose it you can't stop a thing
Like a song stuck in your head that you can't help but sing.
Like the truths of I Love You, a lover's most beautiful lie.
Being pushed from behind to fall through the sky.

It's not giving, it's not choosing, it's against the will
An enraptured forcing of bliss still unkilled
You still would think it'd be logical or a matter of choice
But at the end it can't be fought, only embraced.
All it takes is one lingering look from your eyes so blue
And I've lost my heart to you.

(*Laughs*  Yeah, so after telling the world how a lot of my stuff is about me, I go and write this. Go figure. :p  And NO, this one is not auto-biographical.)

I don't deserve her, he said to himself.
And so he never tried for her.
Loved her with a quiet hopeless love from a distance.
Never wanted to risk.
And I don't care, she said.
I don't care that you don't deserve me.
I don't care that you're not worthy.
You love me, and you would pour your life out for me
And despite your broken heart you love me enough to let me in and try to heal it
You don't think you're good enough for me, and so you treasure me more than all those others
Holding me closer than your heartbeat before you kiss me goodnight
And I can taste the sheer breaking hope of unbelieving joy in your eyes
You can't believe your luck, you tell me every day.
And I can't believe mine either each time you tell me you want to stay.
I love you.
That's all I care about.
I know I don't deserve her, he said.
But I want to try for her. I want her as my own.
And I will do everything I can to better my life and become a true man.
I will spear the fountains into the sea if only it'll show them all that she is safe with me.
I want to be with you, she said.
But it didn't make a difference.
They were torn apart and she was left to grieve
Just because a broken man healing by her love wasn't proof enough to believe.
He was kicked out of her life, left for dead; she wept every night alone in bed.
Because a proud father fancied himself God and refused to see that
Even though he didn't deserve her, he did.

Okay, so I take it back. Some of my stuff is true. (And I take that back---most of it is true.) When I tell people about my blog I say Very Sternly that it is not auto-biographical so don't you read into stuff coz otherwise you'll be really weirded out. ("Wait....Chelsea's in love with a cheerleader? Chelsea went clubbing last night? Chelsea has a child? What?") But that's not accurate even while being partially true. I probably shouldn't be writing this disclaimer coz it'll totally ruin the mystery of my work. But hey, when have I ever succeeded in being remotely mysterious anyways? :p  And now that I have friends who actually know my life well enough to be able to tell truth from fiction in my poems (cough cough...you know who you are...cough cough), it doesn't really matter anymore.
     So here goes. Some of my stuff--recently, quite a bit of my stuff--is written about friends. Sometimes I change the details, sometimes not, but a lot of my work is becoming more and more wrapped in the lives of my friends: their past experiences, heartbreaks, scars, broken walls; dreams, desires, beliefs. And yes, some of my work is about me...as I read back in the archives of my blog, I realize just how frighteningly accurate and biographical the majority of my poems are. Not the details, no---I usually change details (like first kiss standing at the brink of a waterfall, being beaten till the blood came by a past lover.), but the emotions behind said feelings are. (Like falling in love, like having my heart broken so badly that I'd rather be beaten physically than endure the unseen pain.) Take a poem, take away the details, boil it down to the very raw emotion underneath the poem (love, loneliness, betrayal, fear) and that's probably the emotion I was going through at the time. (Unless the poem was one of those poems inspired by my friends, in which case it's the emotions that my friend is going through or the emotions that I perceive them as going through...) And sometimes some of my stuff is written about imagined future experiences in my life or emotional reactions to possible situations, or things that I could've done differently and didn't--and a poem is a way of reliving that now-impossible possibility.
     Don't go reading into all my poetry now. If you ever think a poem is written about my own personal experience---ask! Don't automatically assume, or you'll come away with some really weeeeird thoughts about my normal life. Just because I see a cute guy at Starbuck's and go home and write a TS-esque version of "Mine" doesn't mean I actually fell in love. At least, most of the time. :p

(If I have to tell you that this one's not autobiographical....you're hopeless.)

I gave it all to a boy with no last name
And he took it without a smile, without a word of thanks.
I went to his house, I thought I went into his heart
Little did I know I didn't even pass the outer gate.
One drink too many and I let him inside
He promised he could take away all that pain
And he took it away, he took it for a night
But when the sun rose, it was empty, and he didn't hear me cry.
Blood-red spilling into the room
Even though he was there, I've never been more alone.
Turn to the alcohol, turn to nicotine
Turn to every single thing that can make me bleed
Cut me open, bleed me dry, do whatever you want to me.
At least I'll know I'm alive if I can still feel.
Go home, work my days so I can forget myself at nights
Tear myself to pieces to ignore the pain inside.
Get myself so wasted that I drown my conscience
So you can take me home
Start the cycle over all again.

You're more different than anyone I've ever met.
Most of the guys, they're into the drinks and girls and clubs and making themselves out to be bad boys or nothing else.
You, you can't get over the sunset and the beauty of touch and the feel of one girl at your side.
And you're so beautifully captivated by the handholding thing
With chills and sighs and the lonely fingers opening, entwining
These spaces between my fingers fit you perfectly, you see.
So write a song and hold me close and pour a cup of tea.
Walk along the line of the shore
And tell me you've never ever loved more.
You're such a dork, with your sleep-deprived mind
Spinning fairytales of fireflies and dancing and strawberry skies.
You don't do the angry song writing
You just sigh and talk about falling through skies
With your heart like a compass
Your heart's like my home.
You're enthralling, enchanting, poetic, untrue
And you don't even know it, but every girl has had a crush on you.
But you can't whisper quietly by yourself
And you've given up on weekends of being in love.
I wish you'd see me waiting quietly outside your door
And you'd take off your ice skates and let me in and let me keep you warm.
I'll let you break my heart if it will staunch your sweet pain
And you can fly to Seattle or Philadelphia or LA
Skate to Alaska or swim with the rays
Kiss me as I run away laughing through that corn maze

But when I'm not there, you feel more alone.
And that somehow, irrationally, gives me hope.