My oh my
Look what the storm dragged in.
Blue-green eyes all aflame
Water dripping down her chin.

Like a piece of sea glass
Polished gentle by the roughest waves
But sharp as steel under the layer
A two-edged faced of grace.

A child, naive and tender
But she survived every hurricane she faced.
Alone, unaided, ship sinking beneath her
A rider of the waves.

Don’t hint that she can’t make it;
She’ll take you down to prove you wrong.
A sprite so slight, so angelic;
Who would think she’d be so strong?

She’s flown in the wings of the morning
And she’s driven straight into Hell.
The scars can bear her witness
She’s always been outmatched.

My oh my
Love’s a nasty little bitch
To delight in pulling down every angel
And drowning every candle she’s lit. 

And she rises on the waves of the onslaught
A final breath before the plunge.
If I cannot make it out alive
I’ll make the best story that’s ever been sung.

Hellfire and an ocean
Ashes and power and wine.
Face Poseidon down and triumph
Or else die to try.

Love always has the victory
Always has the final word.
The loss of her drowns greater
Than the full weight of the ocean’s fall.

And I flew, and she pulled me under;
Faced the storms, but at such cost.
Bedraggled, though, yet still come rise–
And ride the storm again.

Rising in the dripping blood of the loss;
The ocean a bitter true friend.
My oh my, my darling;
Look what the storm dragged in.

Afraid they’ll find this secret out
What they’ll do when they realize you’re fallen too?
They made your pedestal far too high
And they’ll tear you apart if you can’t always fly.

Don’t worry about them, dear
They see what they want 
And they aren’t what they seem.
I cannot stop the fears
But no matter how far you fall, I’m here.

Let your walls fall down to the ground–
I’m here.
Realize you’re far too broken to fly–
I’m here.
And they will spit on you and tear you down
No mercy you will find in your need from them
But me
I see this true
And only in realizing you’re broken
Can you start to heal.

I’m fallen even further now
And I cannot deny my wings are broken.
Come here, come help me learn again to fly
As they soar around on artificial contraptions.

Admit your fallabilities
Their painted eyes will tear you down
Accepting your weakness cannot happen
Lest they’re forced to face their darkness the blithe masks conceal.

Too weak to be anything but strong.
They refuse to fight a war they cannot win.
They loved you for being an idolized ideal
They’ll hate you for being just like them.

Let your walls fall down to the ground–
I’m here.
Realize you’re far too broken to fly–
I’m here.
And they will spit on you and tear you down
No mercy you will find in your need from them
But me
I see this true
And only in realizing you’re broken
Can you start to heal.

Oh come here, darling.
You’re no more than an angel fallen.
But at least that means you once flew
Before you heard them calling. 

We’re all on the ground
They’re just pretending to fly.
But in realizing you can’t, and healing your wings straight
Can you truly have a shot to touch the skies.

Let your walls fall down to the ground–
I’m here.
Realize you’re far too broken to fly–
I’m here.
They fell before you in worship 
And now they fall to curse at your feet.
Give yourself the grace to fall
And then begin to heal.

Don’t catch her eye
Don’t look in his face.
Don’t try to touch 
The love of his grace.

Helping hand unwillingly offered
If it doesn’t hurt me much.
Your hand outstretched
No sleeves can hide your scars.

And I fall on my knees
No other blood shed
Drew me to this place.
And I was blind through my need
But when I raise my eyes
I see the face of grace.

Too many scars to hide
Too honest to try.
My sins are tatted
Deep speared in my side.

Their white robes, they blind me.
I can never be led
Their halos never budge 
From the horns on their head.

Lasted so long
Fallen at the last
They damned my soul
I fell too fast.

Velocity
Steer me clear of them all
If they will not join me in the fight
Then join me in the fall.

And I fall on my knees
No other blood shed
Drew me to this place.
And I was blind through my need
But when I raise my eyes
I see the face of grace.

A savior who’s fallen
Equally far
Fair skin the more beautiful
For healing through the scars.

And the beauty of a gift
You never earned.
Standing taller in the grace
You can’t try to earn.

And they rejected the mercy
Their pride could not deserve
But you drink in the grace
So freely poured.

And I fall on my knees
Openly accepting
Laughing through the rain.

And they are blinded by their perfection
You can’t be pulled out if you think you don’t need to be saved.

My scars are still so deep in me
And yet I see the scars all over your face.

I want to know the strength of this grace.
Bring me closer, Lord.
The face of grace.

Caught inbetween the euthoria
Of the greying twilight hell.
Fading fast as you fall away
I guess it’s just as well.

A shade caught in the shadow
So invisible, seen by none.
But a shade caught out at noonday
Is smitten by the sun.

The frying pan or the fire
And sometimes, that’s all you’ve got.
Take aim and hold your ground, dear;
Or take another shot.

I’ll go down in a blaze of glory
Rather than let you see you’ve won.
If a cord of three is stronger
What when you’ve taken my soul and run?

I was the braver to be weaker
But you, you’ve bottled it and moved on.
And I’m bleeding here in agony
You never told me your strength was gone.

Fading faster into twilight
Caught eternally in two worlds.
There’s inordinate brokenness in you yet
But so pure of a heart for this girl

To hobnob with the sinners
Or sip champagne with the saints.
There’s too much fire in you for that
Rebelling against these tight chains.

Too innocent for the gutter
Too fallen for heaven’s gates.
The twilight closes around you
Before you even have the choice.

So lose your fiery purity
Or enjoy your date in hell.
Your virgin sensuality
Won’t get you far there. 

Trapped in two worlds forever
Belonging neither to none. 
You’re always wandering out there
Unless you lose yourself, you’ll always be lost.

But my path I’ve chosen uninfluenced, alone;
Jesus would understand.
Well he can’t hear you, little one;
Earn your own way at my hand.

Paddling about in the hanging mist
Pushing off away from shore.
The air is heavy and harder to breathe;
It’s all I have anymore.

If he seeks me, he will find me
I’m the one drifting alone at sea.
With the fire too devilish for his choir of saints
And too much innocence for hell in me.

An irreconcilable dichotomy
But I’m not waiting around anymore.
If he seeks me he will find me.
Till then, I’m sailing out on my own.

She’s the wildest thing of purity
You’ll ever see.
Baptized in the Spirit 
And in the fire of hell’s dreams

She’ll pull you in and make you dance
Right there with her in the rain.
And she’ll leave you dreaming
As she runs away again.

A dash of devil in those wide eyes
Preacher’s granddaughter and a rebel child.
Black sheep of the family
The only one with scars.
She’s so beautiful and broken, always wanting more;
And she loves like she’s never fallen before. 

Her family all blames her 
Coz she fell so far.
But they just watched and gossiped
While she reached and touched the stars.

She’s an everything-goes girl
All-in or all-out.
All you want is to keep her still
But she don’t go for that.

A dash of devil in those wide eyes
Preacher’s granddaughter and a rebel child.
Black sheep of the family
The only one with scars.
She’s so beautiful and broken, always wanting more;
And she loves like she’s never fallen before.

So scarred and so insecure
The break in those dark green eyes
The open honest sorrow
Amid the beauty and truth and fight.

Her family sings in the choir
Doesn’t drink, or smoke, or lie.
Her halo’s rusting on her nightstand
While she’s dancing in the river tonight.

A dash of devil in the angel
But she’s in the gutter while they’re throwing stones
Down there with you, pulling you to your feet again
Giving your damned soul the hope of a home.

She’s not afraid to get her hands dirty
And they, they’ll never chip a nail.
The scars are open on her body
From when she trusted and lost and trusted again.

A dash of devil in those wide eyes
Preacher’s granddaughter and a rebel child.
Black sheep of the family
The only one with scars.
She’s so beautiful and broken, always wanting more;
She loves you just the way you are. 

Such a broken-wing lover
Tries to heal every flaw.
Her own life’s falling to pieces
And she’s covered in the scars.

And her own wings are broken
But she never stops trying to fly
She’ll take you up upon her back
And make it there or die.

Falling apart and yet holding it together
Transparent where everyone hides their sins.
Vulnerable and beautifully open about it.
Loves and falls and loves again.

She’s a hot, hot mess for perfection
And she thinks she’s fallen so far.
The gossips try to tear her down even farther
But I wonder if she remembers when she last flew.

And her smile is a lantern in the starless sky;
Her broken eyes can’t hide their past or pain.
But the beauty shines through, and makes you realize
She’ll never judge coz she’s been through the same.

Falling apart and yet holding it together
Transparent where everyone hides their sins.
Vulnerable and beautifully open about it.
Loves and falls and loves again.

A child of light in the darkness
Too fallen for the saints.
But a thing of reverence all the more for that
She’s the only one of them who relates.

She’s not afraid to stoop and reach out her hand;
So confident in the brokenness by which she stands.
My bitter heart she’s changed
And I can see light and holiness again.

Falling apart and yet holding it together
Transparent where everyone hides their sins.
Vulnerable and beautifully open about it.
Loves and falls and loves again.

This little girl’s brokenness shines forth in its beauty;
And draws me back to try again.
She’s worth fighting and dying for;
And trying, once more, to be a man.

A scared little girl
With a locked-up heart.
I’d fallen before
And fell too far.
Swore off love forever
And was doing just fine
Then your beauty and kindness
Entered my life.
 
Not in love
But your hands are shaking
Not in love
But your heart is aching

Falling 
Deeper into confusion
Fighting your draw is like jumping
Defying gravity.
I’m broken
Here on the ground
I’m bleeding
But I flew so high before I fell. 

Too scared to trust
But I can’t help trusting you.
Trying not to fall
He seemed trustworthy too.

But your eyes take
My breath away
And even as I run
I want to stay.

Not in love
But your hands are shaking
Not in love
But your heart is aching

Falling 
Deeper into confusion
Fighting your draw is like jumping
Defying gravity.
I’m broken
Here on the ground
I’m bleeding
But I flew so high before I fell. 

Catch me, hold me, keep me here
Keep me long enough to breathe.
If you’re holding me and I feel you there
It’ll ease away all these fears.

His shadow still haunts me, always will;
But it’s nothing more than a ghost.
And you are life and love and warmth;
Your life I want the most.

Falling in love
And you’re terrified
But against reason you trust
It’s different this time.

Falling deeper into 
Your arms here
Fighting your pull is like
Defying gravity.

I’m broken but you’re filling me up.
I’m jumping blind into your atmosphere.

And the risk’s still there
But that is the beauty
I’m flying
At least if I fall again, I’ll fall into the skies.

I trusted enough to fly.

I’m waiting for you to carry on.
Still singing but you’ve forgot the song.
I can’t wait for the last petal to fall.
Sometimes a kiss doesn’t work its magic at all.

I’m falling 
Out here forever
Will you remember me?
Your song is
Ashes and wine
Draining the midst of me.

And I miss you
And yet I know, if you held me forever
You’d be the millstone dragging me to heaven.
A child of fire belongs still at sea.
Your light was only the hellfire in me. 

My north star became hell’s gate
Once my life, now my heart’s wraith.
The worst of it all, if you’d just call my phone
I’d take your misery over this–being alone.

I’m falling 
Out here forever
Will you remember me?
Your song is
Ashes and wine
Draining the midst of me.

And I miss you
And yet I know, if you held me forever
You’d be the millstone dragging me to heaven.
A child of fire belongs still at sea.
Your light was only the hellfire in me. 

And I’m seeing
You were the glue that held me together
Molding me into your porcelain perfection.

Too holy for sinners, too fallen for saints.

I thought with you, I had found my place.

I’m falling 
Out here forever
Will you remember me?
Your song is
Ashes and wine
Draining the midst of me.

And I miss you
And yet I know, if you held me forever
You’d be the millstone dragging me to heaven.
A child of fire belongs still at sea.
Your light was only the hellfire in me. 

I’m where I belong again, drifting at sea.
Your light just reflected the hellfire in me.

I’m going to start posting a monthly disclaimer on my blog.

Disclaimer: almost none of my poems are straight-up about my life; I rarely write holistically autobiographical poems. To write, I take an emotion or feeling that I’ve experienced (or that a friend has experienced), isolate it, exaggerate it to the nth degree, and then write a song about it. Tapping into an intense emotional experience and writing a song about that particular emotion is one of the ways my muse operates….my muse is very finicky about inspiration and I just go with what I’m given. I don’t write songs about my life, I write songs about the emotions, which usually end up sounding similar to my life in some way because all emotions at the heart are the same. All love songs sound the same…all break up songs sound the same. (See end.)
     Details will sometimes be taken from my real life, but I will also change details without hesitation to go with the flow of the song. The feelings in my song are all emotionally true, and I only write about what I (or a friend) has experienced, but that definitely does not mean it is true in real life, i.e. that each poem happened that same way in my life. I cannot emphasize enough that I rarely write autobiographical poems. If you read my blog, you’ll realize half of my songs or more deal with subjects like death, suicide, love affairs, being cheated on, etc—obviously not autobiographical! And ultimately—all love songs and all break-up songs all end up sounding similar, which is why every love song on the radio can seem to apply to your life even though you know Adele and Taylor Swift and Jason Derulo all have very different lives than you! So if you think this is about you…stop thinking so highly of yourself. It’s not.     And basically the only poems that I will write in a straight-up, completely uncensored, totally viscerally honest soul-tapping way are about people who are no longer in my life. If you’re my friend and find something I’ve written offensive or seemingly pointed to you, it’s not!  : )  I might write about the feelings, but I’m not going to post unedited uncensored blunt poetry about people I care about in my life. So no worries.  : p

I still love you……
and his words rippled out into the waves as crimson painted each edge.
I need you
and the water grappled and drowned it as it started to rise again.
I want you 
her hand was slowly slipping from his to eternal sleep.
But I need to go 
i need to be
alone
i need to dream.