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  • I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU 11-9-10

    Kids still at 17, we had lots of growing up to do.
    And we did it all together coz we were just me and you.
    Racing down the traintrack of life at a terrifying breakneck pace.
    At times we'd fall, we'd scar, we'd hurt, but you and me, we never changed.

    Marked by love, we determined to don our armor, to valiantly fight back.
    Always sisters in arms who still somehow believed....though some things we'll never forget.
    Rip out my heart, rip out my soul, but if I have anything to do with it: you'll never take her from me.
    Tilt the earth into the moon or sweep the sunshine from the sea---
    Uncross my crossed heart---when others fell like rain (and heaven knows they were too many), you always remained true.
    So hear me say with all my heart: I will always love you.

  • GRAVITY 10-17-10 Song

    [1st vs] I tried to deny the pull of your gravity
    You can lie all the heck you want to me.
    But I'm still falling into this cavernous space
    Falling till I land in your piercing embrace.

    [chorus] Just go ahead. Take all you want from me.
    It's nothing much. The pain is all I need.
    I am here. Hit me and I will bleed.
    Don't even heroes have the right to bleed?

    [2nd vs] This pain comes every time I fall
    I'd rather bleed than feel nothing at all.
    You take my soul in the sweet taste of death
    My breath grows slower every time we kiss.

    [chorus] Just go ahead. Take all you want from me.
    It's nothing much. The pain is all I need.
    I am here. Hit me and I will bleed.
    Don't even heroes have the right to bleed?

    [bridge] Just go ahead
    Just go ahead
    Just go ahead and take it all (2x)

    [end-chorus thing]  I know you know. I still love you
    Even though under your care, you beat me blue.
    And you think I don't care. How could you not see
    I didn't stay coz you deserved me.
    I stayed coz I truly love you.

    I know I'm better off without you
    But I can't help it.
    I fell in love with you
    A shooting star pulled dying to the sea
    Unwillingly overcome by your gravity.
    Just go ahead. Take all you want from me.

  • BEAUTIFUL EVOLUTION 11-9-10 Poem (though it wants to be a song. I'm gonna have to work on that

    (You're like a sister to me. )

    So we didn't grow up next door. And we didn't know each other since we were two.
    We met when our opinions, minds, and character were completely and fully formed.
    We don't even have shared memories. We never did the finger-picture painting thing.
    Or attacked each other with popcorn across the room. Or were selfish with a brand new toy.
    Never played dress-up or kings and queens. You were always in the background of my life.
    In that peripheral atmosphere---I've known you for forever, though we only met last July.
    But your quiet composure always intimidated me and I was too careless (or scared) to ask
    I never thought you'd need a person like me. Never thought we could be friends.

    Coz you're so quiet and so thoughtful and you always wait to speak
    Whereas I'm bubbly and super talkative and wear my heart on my sleeve;
    And you play the mysterious card so well when I can't stop talking if I tried
    I don't know how you don't get fed up with me but I'm so glad you're in my life.

    We're so different--if I'm a circle she'd be a square.
    And they say we're too different to really make this work--but they don't know and I don't care.

    Coz we share the same dreams
    And we spill all of our secrets
    And we tell each other everything.
    She's more than an acquaintance
    Even more than a close friend
    She's everything to me
    Like a sister should be.

    Like a sister to me.

    And yes, I'm sad we met so late--my memory's full of what-if-thens.
    What if we'd known each other for years? What if we were best friends as kids.
    But we'd be so different then, and though we're still so different now
    Something's happening as we grow up and grow closer, not apart.
    So though we never played dress-up, we love each other's so-different styles now.
    And we never had our food fights but we drink your coffee (java java) instead.
    Laughing in the kitchen or livingroom over our childhood memories.
    And we still act so much like children when we get to laughing.

    There's never enough time to say what's really fully on my mind.
    Never enough time to tell her all the history of my life
    Sometimes I wonder where we'd be if we had played when we were kids.
    Maybe God knew what he was doing when he waited before he let us begin.
    It seems I talk way too much and she doesn't talk enough
    But somehow that makes it perfect--we so perfectly even each other out.
    And she's scared of the same things, and I'm scared to trust too well.
    But she gives me the biggest hugs and I know--this time--I can trust again.

    And we share the same dreams
    We think all of the same things
    And it's so weird that we're opposites but we say the exact things when we speak.
    She knows just what to say; she says I do the same for her.
    I never knew I had such a hole in my heart till she filled it with her warmth.

    I can tell her everything; she never laughs at my outrageous dreams.
    And she thinks that I am beautiful and smart and funny;
    She's always there to hug me when I need a place to cry.
    I don't know how to say how much she means to me.
    But I know I'd be lost without her.
    I so need her in my life.

    She's like a sister to me.

  • REMEMBER 11-9-10

    (I love you.)

    You've forgotten who I am.
    It doesn't matter if we fought and shouted things we should've left unsaid. I wanna make it right. Wanna be your friend again.
    It doesn't matter if you said things to me that still cut into my heart late at night.
    It doesn't matter if you got pregnant or ran off with the cute boy from college or got yourself addicted to drugs or stole your parents' credit card and moved out.
    So that might be wrong. So what? So this might be the worst thing you've ever done in your life.
    I don't care.
    It doesn't matter. 
    All that matters is that you are my friend, and I care more about you than anybody.
    I'm not gonna throw you under the bus.
    I won't leave you out to dry.
    Baby, you know my heart. Don't you know I've made mistakes too? Who am I to judge?
    I just wanna be your friend.
    We grew up together. We had braces together. We went from those awful early teen years to the still awfuller twenties and somehow still managed grow closer together and not apart.
    We fought like cats and dogs and made up afterwards and became even closer because of it.
    You know my biggest mistakes and my darkest secrets and when we whispered under the covers at our sleepovers that went till four in the morning we told each other everything. You know parts of me that I don't even know myself.
    So how could you know me so little?
    You're forgotten who I am.

  • LONELY ROSE 11-8-10 Poem

    Little girl left bleeding
    Broken heart oozing out into her hands
    Ashes blooming in the sky like starry death
    Staining the clouds in hues of purple and crimson.
    Volcano left unsaid.
    The roses have died
    The lovers have lied
    Lied through their teeth when the taste was still on their tongue.
    Hung over into this sweetly promised forever.
    Little rose left dying on an empty chair.

  • YOU'VE GOT MUSIC 11-7-10 Poem

    (Thanks Emma and Ryan for this one.)

    "You've got music," he said, like you might say you've got measles or you've got blond hair.
    "How did you learn to write such poetry?" she said, as if you can even begin to learn to write poetry.
    As if you can learn to fall in love.
    It's mystic, it's magic, it's something you can't explain
    Something you can't control.
    And when it grabs you, it'll take you, prepared or no.
    Caught utterly unawares
    Drowning in its heady grasp
    When it takes you, you are doomed.
    Hours spent feverishly lavished upon it
    Nights spent laying awake tormented by it.
    Days consumed by its presence.
    Like falling in love.

  • PERFECT 10-21-10 Song

    (When writing this song, I spent some time thinking about the right age for the lovers and finally settled on seventeen. Why? It's the perfect age. Old enough to experience love, but young enough for all the passion of the teen years. A part of me wishes the strength of this sort of passion could last forever, that you could fall in love and remain passionately in love all through your life, just as if you were "living a teenage dream". Yes, there's something to be said for waiting to fall in love till you're mature and ready---but there's something to be said about the sheer fire and enthusiasm of youth....) 

    [1st vs] Just kids who fell too deep in love
    You drove me insane all summer long
    And when you kiss me I can't see
    It's just your face in front of me.
    Forever's long as your finger's touch
    For now right now is just enough.
    Your skin brushes close and stops my heartbeat
    Love, I don't wanna change a thing.

    [chorus] Seventeen's too young to know what true love is
    But we're too old to not know what to do
    Seventeen is just a year that passes
    And I want to spend all of those nights with you.

    [2nd vs] They say you're too young to tie you down to me
    Well you are young and I know it's terrifying
    But trust the power of this irrational spark
    It's not eternity; it's just now.
    Your merest presence sets me on fire
    I can't wait till you are mine tonight.

    [chorus] Seventeen's too young to know what true love is
    But we're too old to not know what to do
    Seventeen is just a year that passes
    And I want to spend all of those nights with you.

    [3rd vs] They say we're too young to know what love's about
    But I still feel your tiny gorgeous body nestled
    Deep into my arms, so yielding.
    Tonight can last forever as long as you're with me.
    We can get away with this for now
    Don't tell me that we are too young to love.

    [chorus] Seventeen's too young to know what true love is
    But we're too old to not know what to do
    Seventeen is just a year that passes
    And I want to spend all of those nights with you.

    [bridge] Oh baby oh
    You're the perfect age for this whole thing
    Don't back off now
    You'll never feel such fire ever again.
    Young enough for sheerest passion
    Too strong to hold back from this breathless fling
    Old enough to know your mind
    This time forever's gonna last for me.

    [chorus] Seventeen's too young to know what true love is
    But we're too old to not know what to do
    Seventeen is just a year that passes
    And I want to spend all of those nights with you.

  • OF COURSE! 11-6-10 Poem


    (This poem is inspired by a secret admirer, four amazing and easily amused girls, and a collection of Love Poems to God.)

    They don't understand what I can't see
    But love's not a feeling, it's a dream.
    And this ramshackle construction of a cotton-y dream
    Thrusts you to fall through the clouds and plummet headfirst into the sea.
    Coz love is always drowning me, you see.
    But I can't get enough of it. Not me.
    You say it's as impractical as the birds and the bees
    But who died and made you king?
    You got another think coming if you think you can boss me.
    And you wrinkle up your nose all confuzzled and pretend like you can't see
    The thing that's right in front the nose on your face, but you feign your pretending thing
    And you act all innocent when you ask me:

    Where are you going?
    To your house, of course.

    So I float along in this fluffy pillow-lined sea
    Though I used to say love is definitely not my cup of tea.
    A haphazard mostly fatal adventure, but I like my life risk-free
    And love's far too dangerous to risk falling.
    But you came along and shook the crap out of me
    And you act all clueless and innocent like what you did you still can't see.
    Babe, I'm pretty dang sure you're doing it just to get to me.
    I never knew what I wanted before I met you and you met me.
    I never was the romantic type, but you're doing in me this new thing
    And it makes me feel like I'm falling hopelessly.
    But despite your innocence, you changed my life too deep
    I want you to be the new limb to my family tree.
    And you turn around and ask all casually:

    What are you wanting?
    To fall in love with you, of course!

  • WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS 11-3-10 Poem

    (Based on a conversation with Ashley. What are we looking for? Is an unbroken romantic daydream any less dangerous than setting your standards too low? Is shattering that illusionary sunset and white-knight stuff for a real man with real flaws worth it---in the end? I don't think I entirely agree with this poem. I think there is still value in a list (per se)--or at least in knowing what you want, what you'd like, what you need. Obviously you can't just find a guy who meets just one requirement and then boom! you're perfect for each other and it all works out. But when it all boils down to it, perhaps this is the most important thing of them all. And everything else pales beside.)

    I have changed.
    I'm no longer the innocent little romantic I used to be with her bulleted list of requirements for the perfect man and scores of books on courting to pour over and nit-pick till every detail was over-analyzed to its death.
    I no longer expect roses and romance and kissing in the rain
    Eternally opened car doors and meticulous chivalry and sterilized good manners
    Ghirardelli chocolates and always having the perfect thing to say and flowy poetic compliments that would make Keats proud.
    And at sleepovers my girlfriends all talk about how he has to like Pride and Prejudice and be willing to make dinner once a week and have toned arms and memorize all their anniversaries and go shopping with them to give advice on clothes.
    I threw out my list.
    It doesn't matter anymore.
    Everything I thought mattered doesn't anymore.
    Or it's all trivial in comparison.
    What do I want?
    I just want a guy I can trust.
    When you find a man like that---a man who will say I love you only when he can say And I'm staying forever--a man who won't love and leave--a man who will be uber protective and beautifully flawed and too jealous but still RAWR at all the jerks in the world and the jerkish things they do to me---
    When you find a man like that, call me.
    I don't want a Prince Charming anymore, with immaculate courtesy and the perfect words to say and 18th century worthy dance skills.
    I just want a man I can trust.

  • I PRAY GOD YOU CAN 11-3-10 Poem

    (This one is for my friends who can't bring themselves to believe in love. Can't bring themselves to fall again, coz they've fallen before and the person waiting below turned away and let them break. This is to say that love is worth belief. And despite all the pain, love is still worth hope. It's out there; it's real; somewhere, it exists. And someday, it will find you. This one's for you.)

    Love is ashes and wine
    Intoxicating you with its exhilaration
    Leaving you drier than you were before.
    I don't know nothing about love.
    I didn't mean to do it
    Didn't mean to fall
    But my iron will cannot convince itself to be dead-set against love.
    I'm not strong enough to completely shut out love.
    The rose dies hard on its empty chair.
    Drags you headfirst accidentally into love
    Falling in love against your will: terrifying, haunting, the most thrilling experience of your life.
    Like a rollercoaster, defying gravity at every turn. Someday it'll catch up to you.
    But not right now. Not today.
    Just dance a little faster and dance away.
    I didn't mean to fall again
    Hurtling into that bottomless space that's deeper each layer you peel off.
    Like an onion.
    It breaks your heart; it gives you a reason to believe.
    I can't believe that you'll trust me---falling unprotected into your gravity.
    I fell once before. And have the scars to prove it.
    I just wanna know I can trust you. You don't have to be perfect.
    You just have to be true.
    There is beauty in love still.
    Spinning you into its breath-catching embrace
    Raise your glass, toast its being.
    Taste its heart-stopping meaning on your tongue.
    I believe in love.

    So here I am, at the edge of your heart, looking down into the chasm below.
    Will you have me?
    Will you catch me if I can bring myself to fall?
    Will you catch me if I can bring myself to trust again?
    Just one last time.