(*cue Taylor Swift's SNL monologue music*  I like writing songs about douche-bags who cheat on me! But I'm not gonna write about that....oh wait, I am. :p  )

[1st vs] We knew it was off from the beginning
Or at least that's what I said.
We knew it by all our endless fights
Coz we could just get in each other's heads.

I wanted to change your stubborn mind to fit mine;
I wanted two and two to equal five.
And when you saw our incompatibilities,
Well then, I had to get the heck out of your life.

[chorus]  But between us
I don't see why it had to go wrong.
Between us
I don't see why we had to be wrong.
And it still haunts me
That I drove you away and gone
Coz if I remembered who you were to me
I could never have moved on.

And I know the only reason I played the douche
Is so I didn't have to confront the truth.
She might be all I now want or need
But she's not you.

[2nd vs] It tore me up, that you gave up without a fight
Even though I left you no room to gainsay.
Did I want you to fight as I drove you away?
Even as I left, I was praying you'd make me stay.

The reality of all I knew, shaken to the core
And you know, I don't believe in God anymore.
He gave me you, and then took even that from me--
What the hell was that for?

[chorus]  Between us
I don't see why it had to go wrong.
Between us
I don't see why we had to be wrong.
And it still haunts me
That I drove you away and gone
Coz if I remembered who you were to me
I could never have moved on.

And I know the only reason I played the douche
Is so I didn't have to confront the truth.
She might be all I want or need
But she's not you.

[3rd vs] When I told you I wanted to marry you
I know even now that vow was so true.
When what you know beyond question is ripped away--
Well, you tell me--what else is a man to do?

She's blonde and stacked and beautiful
Or at least she's what I deserve.
She gives me more than you ever did
And I can forget you when I'm in her arms.

[end-chorus] You were my reality
You were my truth
Besides God, there was nothing else
More certainly I knew.
I lost a lot of things
(Now I'm with her)
The day I lost you.

I have to find love again
Even if it's just a glimpse of what I found with you.
Something--anything--is better than nothing--

She's still not you.

And I know it, too.

(This song just came to me today, more completely than any song in a long time. I don't know why.....but I think it's because I've started to heal, and heal wholly, and look back and understand what I was going through and thinking last fall, when I couldn't understand it at the time. For at the time, it was still far too near for words. I can't write when my heart is being badly broken. It's only after it starts to mend that I can even stand to look at the pain, to slowly begin to let it write itself out into meaning.
     This song is about the night last September when Ryan changed his mind about him and me, and the months after that when he kept on pushing me away so he didn't have to face the reality that he had just thrown away what he once said he wanted more than anything else. This is what I would have wanted to say to him that September night, if there had been any song somehow still left in my heart after he told me he changed his mind.)

[1st vs]  I saw the look on your face
It said that we haven't changed.
It said that everything you told me was a lie.
And though I cried all the tears
And embraced all of your fears
I know that somehow I still need you in my life.

[pre-chorus]  Though you're out the door,
Just one minute more:
Just listen to me tell you what you already know.
You try to push  me away
Just so you don't have to face--
You can hide from the truth, but you can't hide from your life.

[chorus]  You told me I was the only thing
Besides God of which you were sure.
And you know we were each other's dream come true
Oh luv, aren't we worth fighting for?

[2nd vs]  Don't tell me you don't recall
The month you started to fall
You were hopelessly lost before you knew.
And then you didn't say a thing
Coz I was out of your league
I only saw it when I ripped your mask in two.

And then a summer in love
Before it went terribly wrong
But we still knew that it was worth the fight.
You said you were in for life
I started trusting this time
But 3am one night, you said you changed your mind.

[chorus]  You told me I was the only thing
Besides God of which you were sure.
And you know we were each other's dream come true
Oh luv, aren't we worth fighting for?

[3rd vs/bridge]  You know you've lost everything
Your faith, yourself, and your dreams
It was a twisted sort of love when you drove me away.
I finally gave up the fight
Like you did months ago that night
A vain wish to hope you realized you threw your best thing away.

[end-chorus]  There was a time when my heart was all you asked
Of life...of that I know.
And you know I knew you better than your dearest friends did.
Oh luv.
I still think we're worth fighting for.

(This poem is based on--and half the time frankly about--the life of an old friend, J. R. A., who self-identified very strongly with the character of Dr. Gregory House. Forgive the imagery; I couldn't help some of the comparisons. :p Although I took some poetic license, most of this is based on past conversations with J. R. A. as well as the character of House, and my simply connecting the dots between the lives of the two.)

Left here dying;
You left me scarred.
A doctor can heal everything
But a broken heart.

My hands have saved people from death;
My hands still restore life.
My hands can do nothing of value
If they can't keep you at my side.

And all the people see the lies you once eased;
Those lies became truth when you left me alone.
A house without a heart;
A heart without a home.

Faced with an irreconciliable difference;
Didn't you once say nothing was impossible with love?
And yet you said we couldn't work this out.
I guess love isn't enough.

You left me in the sea of love gone awry,
Abandoned among the foam.
A house without a heart;
A heart without a home.

You were the only thing in life I was sure of.
You were the only thing in life I knew.
I let you inside--no, you got inside whether I would or no.
You were the only one who fully knew me too.

I don't believe in love anymore.
I can't even believe in God.
He said love was always enough.
Guess what?
He lied.

They see the lies you once eased;
That lie became truth when you left me alone.
A house without a heart;
A heart without a home.

I smile, and no one knows I'm gone;
No one can tell how much I grieve.
Not even my best friend; not even you.
I pushed you out of my life before you could do the same to me.

In truth I wouldn't have been able to endure it
If you had been the one to leave.
I know I'm a hopeless bastard, and I can live with that;
But you were the best thing I ever knew, and in that I still believe.

How does it feel to be the only one I could ever really trust?
Even though I was the one to leave you alone...

You left this house without a heart.
You left this house without a home.

(What? Obsessed with Sam? Nah. What gave you that idea? :p )

Reaching, reaching, reaching for life
Tempted by fire, by blood to let go.
Grasping hands slipping, eyes slowly fading;
On the mountain of doom you're left all alone.

When all the dark clouds shroud the sun
How could you even hope to go on?
If it's not done, it's not the end.
Don't you leave him, Sam.

To bear this is to be alone.
All shall love me and despair.
No other road so far from home
Dancing with fire in her hair.

I do not believe this darkness will endure
When the people fall silent in despair yet so loud.
I will be a light for you in dark places
When all other lights go out.

All the praise on one and not set true
If not for him, the begining was the end.
No one knows, but still he's true:
Don't you leave him, Sam.

The memory of her beauty, so bright, so alive;
Like ribbons of scarlet on your bleeding heart drawn.
Praying the dark tale is winding to an end;
In each story, a new day will come.

To bear this is to be alone.
All shall love me and despair.
No other road so far from home
Dancing with fire in her hair.

I do not believe this darkness will endure
When the people fall silent in despair yet so loud.
I will be a light for you in dark places
When all other lights go out.

They left us on the mountain, trapped in the fire;
Oh, Earendil, brightest of stars.
Even your light cannot penetrate the mire
Of the dying depths of a Ringbearer's heart.

You bore it, yet I took more, both it and you
In the hope that my strength could pierce through your doubts.
You must do this alone, at the end; it's your choice.
To reach, or let go; to be lost or be found.

Amidst the fight in your spirt as you dangle in the abyss
Look, reach; you know this beyond any doubt.

I am a light for you in this dark place
When all other lights have gone out.

(So.....this is definitely a change of pace from my normal love songs. I wonder, what on earth possessed my muse to inspire this....? Never mind, I probably don't want to know.  :p  I had the chorus for a while and it just stuck around, bothering me, and I tried changing it, playing with the music of it, switching things up, till I realized whose point of view it was from.....and then it all fell into place after that. I'm not sure what to make of it, but here tis anyway. :p  )

[1st vs]  A girl like you in Paradise
In love with the perfect man.
With a God that gave you whatever you wanted
Coz you never wanted a sin.

A girl like you, so chaste and clean;
A devil like me had no hope.
Till curiosity peeked out of the box
One glance was all it took.

[pre-chorus]  And before you realize your fatal mistake
Just give me the chance to say

[chorus] Come out and play
And I will keep giving you more
You know you ain't a little girl.
You know you wanna come and play
The wrong thing's never been so fun--
Come here, I'll show you how it's done.
Just leave your God at the door
And come on--come on and play.

[2nd vs]  Where's your sense of adventure, little girl
Is your way so right, do you know?
If it is, it can take just one little test;
Is your God so scared that he'd say no?

Just one bite couldn't be so wrong
If you don't like it, just spit it out.
Take a look at your world with your eyes open wide
And you'll see what you've been missing out.

[pre-chorus]  Before you realize these pretty little lies
Let me charm you with this seduction tonight.

[chorus] Come out and play
And I will keep giving you more
You know you ain't a little girl.
You know you wanna come and play
The wrong thing's never been so fun--
Come here, I'll show you how it's done.
Just leave your God at the door
And come on--come on and play.

[3rd vs]  Imagine, one bite can open your eyes
And no, you can't close the door.
Aww, you're crying now--didn't you enjoy it?
Coz you kept on asking for more.

[end-chorus]   Come play my game
And I will keep giving you more
You left the garden now for sure.
Come take the bait and play my game
You screwed your life up now for good
And no, you know God can't forgive.
Baby you're all mine now.
Your God don't think you're still worth fighting for.

So come out--come out and play.

[1st vs]  In the silence and the midnight
And the blank breathing of the stars
Faintly coming in the shadows
Of the deep breath before the plunge

Turn me if you can catch me, dear;
And catch me if you can.
They say men's hearts are truest at midnight
But I am no man.

[chorus]  At the moonrise we will come
Holding darkness with candles at bay.
In the night we face the fight
Let death do what he may.

When we fall
We will fall holding onto the dawn.
When we die
We will die
Still singing our song.

[2nd vs]  In the blood-red gasping moment
Of the last petal's fall
True love dropping, even hope dying
With only one wish left to come.

In the shell of crackling anguish
I brandish my armor for you.
It's a war that we both declared
But I'd cease if you asked me to.

[chorus]  At the moonrise we will come
Holding darkness with candles at bay.
In the night we face the fight
Let death do what he may.

When we fall
We will fall holding onto the dawn.
When we die
We will die
Still singing our song.

[end]  When we fall
I'll look in your eyes
And know it was worth it all.
When we die
We will die
Still singing our song.

(This is to anyone who trusted and was betrayed in that trust; who loved, only to realize they loved a shadow and a ghost of what they thought they knew. I wrote this for me. I hope, also, for you.)

never give up. never give in.
too many people stop right before they start to win.
never let their words keep you paralyzed to the ship;
falling through the waves is the least of all the sins.

always reach out. trust right from the start.
they'll tell you it's not worth it, gambling your heart;
and they're right, if you're looking to stay safe on the sidewalk.
But you'll find if you step out, love is somehow worth the cost.

sometimes the skies will change to rain, clouds covering the sun.
never let that pain blind you to the reality of love:
if they got inside and hurt you, they showed you who you are--
that you are strong enough to win this. strong enough to overcome.

never play it safe. go, live your life on the edge.
embrace the rush that comes with the exhilarating dance with death.
the death of okay, the death of indifference, of never throwing yourself off
of never risking everything coz you're too afraid to fall.

trust in other kindred souls, let them get under your skin.
and never ever allow yourself bitter to the race of men.
only one person, not mankind, did you wrong and did you in;
the next time will be different coz the next guy won't be him.

one man can't pay for another's mistake.
show that douche-bag you know the meaning of grace.

by letting another in.
by falling in love again.

don't let him tear you down forever.
don't let him win.

never give up. never give in.

[1st vs] To stop one life from aching, from pain
But all is lost when you do it all again.
Marks for bravery, lost it for a fool
The only one who knows your side is me and you.

[chorus] My name brings peace
And protection from your war
All I want is to be
Your harbor from the storm.

The battles of the heart
Are not quickly lost or won.
All I want is to be your
Harbor from the storm.

I'm coming home to you.

I'm coming home to you.

[2nd] The sky is falling through the pain in your eyes.
Sometimes I help or hurt here, but at least I'm trying to try.
Your pain aches my soul as though it were my own.
Take my hand.
Don't you let go.
You're not alone.

[chorus] My name brings peace
And protection from your war
All I want is to be
Your harbor from the storm.

The battles of the heart
Are not quickly lost or won.
All I want is to be your
Harbor from the storm.

I'm coming home to you.

I'm coming home to you.

[3rd] Stand up, open your eyes
Look about you and take the plunge.
I'm not perfect
I'll screw up
But with me, you won't be alone.
I won't leave you alone.
You're not alone.

[chorus] My name brings peace
And protection from your war
All I want is to be
Your harbor from the storm.

The battles of the heart
Are not quickly lost or won.
All I want is to be your
Harbor from the storm.

I'm coming home to you.

I'm coming home to you.

Let me be your harbor
Coming home to you.

[1st vs] Do you remember your dreams came true when I met you?
That my spirit gave you a passion for life?
In your car when you said you finally got true love.
When you said to me "Will you be my wife?"

[chorus] No I won't cleanse this dirty little mind
I still think about you all the time.
But your days have come and gone around
When I watched you leave me all alone.

If you think I can forget it
Babe oh don't you count on it!

[2nd]  I let you hurt me, let you play with me too long
Coz you knew I'd let you get away with it.
You've played your little game for the last time
If you think I will forget--don't count on it.

[chorus] No I won't cleanse this dirty little mind
I still think about you all the time.
But your days have come and gone around
When I watched you leave me all alone.

If you think I can forget it
Babe oh don't you count on it!

[3rd] I let your kiss blind the reality
That you were constantly changing your mind.
Oh well--a girl's gotta fall for a douche-bag
At least once in her life.

Guess you can be my time.

[chorus] No I won't cleanse this dirty little mind
I still think about you all the time.
But your days have come and gone around
When I watched you leave me all alone.

If you think I can forget it
Babe oh don't you count on it!

[end] I'm telling you now, that you're forgiven
But you're also full of this past year's regret.
If you think I'd ever let you come crawling back
Or ever go on my knees to you yet
Baby you can just forget it!

If you think I can forget it
Babe, oh don't you count on it.

(It's that time of year! The annual LOTR marathon, and Sam continues to take my breath away by his passion, loyalty, and love every time. Brace yourselves for LOTR-inspired poems and songs galore. :p )

[1st vs]  You set out in daylight
And night hit you like a stone.
Hope given free and careless
And then taken by shadow and flame.

[pre-chorus] I'm out here in the darkness
Screaming, reaching out for you.
There's still goodness worth fighting for.
Don't you let go when I'm reaching for you.

[chorus] I don't know where I'm going
Don't know where I am.
Can't seem to stop falling--
On your feet, Sam.

Don't know where this is heading
Chose this over all I've ever known.
Her face still burns into my dreams
But you can't bear this on your own.

[2nd vs] Strength in the constancy of stars
And in the human warmth of my own love.
It will be a light for you in shadow
When all other lights go out.

[pre-chorus] I'm out here in the darkness
Screaming, reaching out for you.
There's still goodness worth the fight.
Don't you let go when I'm reaching for you.

[chorus] I don't know where I'm going
Don't know where I am.
Can't seem to stop falling--
On your feet, Sam.

Don't know where this is heading
Chose this over all I've ever known.
Her face still burns into my dreams
But you can't bear this on your own.

[bridge] I don't ask for recognition
Or for glory or for fame.
You seem to push me off, to pull away
I just want you mine again.

And in the flames of our ending
Only one thing I ask for there.
You think I'd ask for something more
But she had ribbons in her hair.

[end-chorus]  And it took my heart away
Even in the very fires of Mordor.
The hope that all will not come to darkness
In the light of the ribbons in her hair.

When our doom is firing down
Her light eases all your heavy cares.
I'm glad you're with me, Sam.
In the ribbons of her hair.