If I'm dreaming, come wake me up;
Coz I don't wanna dream about you anymore.
If I'm sleeping, come crawl in my bed;
Coz the past few nights I can't stand on my own.

If I'm drinking, just leave me be;
I just need to drink you right out of my head.
If I'm slipping, then come catch me;
I can't seem to hold myself together again.

I can't stand my dreams anymore
Coz they're the only things I have left of you.
Pathetic fragments of what I used to know;
I can't stand to wake up, can't bear to fall asleep.

The nightmare of you kicking me out of your arms
Became my nearest reality.
It's so hard to live your life
When it's made of the stuff of dreams.

It's so hard to wake up to a brand new day
When you're terrified of your dreams.

If I'm lying, don't worry, just smile and move on;
I can't ever tell you the truth
That I'm falling to pieces from the inside out;
Still craving to be with you.

If I'm falling, then let me; I can't fly without you;
In the impact the pain will still prove I'm alive.
I'm tearing my mind apart trying to see what I did wrong;
I don't understand why you didn't even want to try.

I can't stand my dreams anymore
Coz they're the only things I have left of you.
Pathetic fragments of what I used to know;
I can't stand to wake up, can't bear to fall asleep.

The nightmare of you kicking me out of your arms
Became my nearest reality.
It's so hard to live your life
When it's made of the stuff of dreams.

It's so hard to wake up to a brand new day
When you're terrified of your dreams.

I never used to drink before;
Never used to do a lot of things.
You're probably feeling superior as you pass me by;
Well you weren't the one left here.

Realizing I was the only one trying;
The only one all in.
I poured my everything into this
And you walked with open hands.

So yes, I turn to the bottle now;
What else, when you can't sleep?
No other's hands could ever trace fire on my body
Or awaken my soul with every kiss.

The nightmare of you kicking me out of your arms
Became my nearest reality.
It's so hard to live your life
When it's made of the stuff of dreams.

It's so hard to wake up to a brand new day
When you're terrified of your dreams.

If I'm dreaming, don't wake me up;
Let me be a masochistic freak.
If it's the only way to be with you
Then I'll live, now, in my dreams.

If I'm dreaming, don't wake me up;
No, forever, let me sleep.
No more will I haunt reality
With you forever in my dreams.

You fall so much harder when you're older
The gold apple he threw you hid a rotten heart.
You cannot bounce up unscathed;
The race was lost before the start.

I don't wanna rest, let down my guard;
Don't want to trade my life in favor of my dreams.
They close those doors and send you forth naked to face the storm;
How can you take the plunge and take the fall when you can't even breathe?

You step out in faith and then plummet into thin air
Just when you think you're almost there.
And the faint moon like the cheshire cat's grin
mockingly laughing against the glare.

You fall so much harder when you're older
No childlike resiliency can fully mend the breach this time.
If you keep your dreams lower and your hope over
You'll never fall when you never fly.

You step out in faith and then plummet to the ground
Just when you believe you're almost there.
And the moon like the cheshire cat grinning down on you
Faint mockery not withstanding the glare.

I'm all I'm cracked up to be
I was cracking long before now.
With thin icy silver fingers of filaments
Streching like cyanide into my heart.

The moon like a cheshire cat grins down on you
As you look up from the hole in the ground.
That step of faith dashed you into pieces below
Sometimes the lost can never be found.

Broken long before your time
Too late to realize it now.
This was your most perfect mistake, but
It's too late to change it now.

Yes darling, it's too late.
Too late to change it now.
And the moon slowly wanes from your dying sight;
You're too lost to be found now.

I hear the bells sound in the morning
As I curl up on the porch alone.
Escaped my friends to come and hide
But I still brought my phone.

Hoping--somehow--you'd call me
Somehow you didn't mean what you said.
Begging to God to hear me now;
To resurrect what is now dead.

And you think of our fighting, the clashes and tears;
But I remember our magic, that fire, your light.
Dancing in the starlight, there is no one more right;
You remember our breakup, but I remember our life.

You always said you hated the "it's not you, it's me" excuse;
Yet it's exactly what you pulled on me.
Coz you told me I was perfect, the most beautiful girl, you know;
But it still wasn't good enough for you to want me.

Your friends say you're depressed, you're feeling so down;
But they also say your mind is made up.
Never thought the perfect girl would be the one to be dumped here;
Never thought you'd be the one to break up.

Call me hopeless, romantic, but you called me that first time;
And eight months later, you said you needed me in your life.
I'd count my many flaws with a laugh, but you pulled me close and said
"Well I think you're pretty damn perfect, to me."

And you think of our problems and the constant talks
But I know we both took each other to unreachable heights.
And when we were laughing there was no one more right;
You remember our breakup, but I remember our life.

Do you remember the breathless fire when your lips were on mine?
How we could tell each other anything, despite our previous scars?
You told me you'd never call this off, coz you could never find someone so true.
Did you mean any of it?
Anything at all?

Our chemistry was like a fire hazard, our love so rough and right;
You protected me, and kept me safe; I was always happiest in your arms.
And I said we might have obstacles, but I believe we can work them out.
Did you mean any of it? Coz I still mean it all.

Now my fate is to wander on this wayfare;
My condemnation, to know you as a stranger.

Despite all the new scars I received at your hands
If you called me back tonight I'd do it all over again.

You are dwelling on all the negatives, all the problems couples have.
And you put the blame on me when it's really both (and neither) of us.
And you don't remember how perfect we were, how your differences complemented my strengths;
You remember the few reasons we would fight, but I remember the countless reasons we were right.

Opposites attract, and you focused on the few ways we were off;
Darling, I focused on our life.

Don't all relationships have things to work through?
Don't all relationships compromise?
If you would commit we could see this through.....(I believe).

I still want you in my life.

lying in my bed watching the rain
splash like tears on my windowpane.
i was singing this morning when i woke up
now it's hard enough just to breathe.

i didn't have the answers, but i had you;
that was enough for me this time.
i was singing this morning when i woke up;
let me still be singing come the evening light.

if you could listen to your heart
if you could remember you spent twelve months fighting
to be with me, and you got me, and now it's like
you've forgotten what we were fighting for tonight.

if you could listen to your heart
i was the girl you wanted above all else.
if i knew you'd remember that, i'd have waited, dear;
even when you walked and left me by myself.

lying in my bed crying tonight;
only god knows it all; only god knows why.
i was singing in the morning with your face in my heart;
i still believed you were coming back this time.

it's impossible, a boy would want a girl so freaking bad
and when he got her, just give up.
i don't understand anything, darling.
let me still be singing when evening comes.

if you could listen to your heart
if you could remember you spent twelve months fighting
to be with me, and you got me, and now it's like
you've forgotten what we were fighting for tonight.

if you could listen to your heart
i was the girl you wanted above all else.
if i knew you'd remember that, i'd have waited, dear;
even when you walked and left me waiting by myself.

am i really such a masochistic freak?
to stick around for an emotional daily beating?
i put myself through hell, but i'd do it again;
if it meant, somehow, it'd end differently the next time.

and all i wish is i could hurt you the way you hurt me;
but i know if i had the opportunity
i wouldn't do it.
i wouldn't treat you the way you're treating me.

i try to ease my soul in anger;
but i still love you too much for that.
can't even indulge a righteous fury.
i still wish you would come back.

if you could listen to your heart
if you could remember you spent twelve months fighting
to be with me, and you got me, and now it's like
you've forgotten what we were fighting for tonight.

if you could listen to your heart
i was the girl you wanted above all else.
if i knew you'd remember that, i'd have waited, dear;
even when you walked and left me by myself.

you were my best friend
don't act like this isn't the end.
i really thought it'd be different this time;
i never believed it was pretend.

if you could listen to your heart
remember for a year you wanted me.
why, when you got me, did you surrender that flag?
none of it makes any sense to me.

the song on my lips has died in my soul;
it was a symphony before you tore it all up.
yet i'd still be here if you wanted to learn it too;
if you could listen to your heart.

i wrote him a story, i wrote him a song;
i gave him my all when i gave him my love.
i sang him my soul, and i lost it to hell;
let me be singing once more when evening comes.

i sang him my soul, and i lost it to hell.
let me be singing when the evening comes.

(My take on the line TS used in her latest album.)

When you asked me out on the sixteenth
I swear my heart just skipped a beat.
I said "yes of course! Is there any doubt?"
And I was your girlfriend from that moment out.

We had so much fire, so much chemistry
The first night you kissed me was like touching lightning.
The sparks burned us up, left us awhirl;
You said you were one of the luckiest guys in the world.

Never knew it would be like this--
So beautiful, frightening, strange;
In this time, now I know
Everything has changed.

But barely in and you started to draw apart;
Like it didn't matter if we didn't talk.
And I called, and I tried, but I can't pull both's weight;
I don't know how long, without you, I can wait.

Never knew it could be like this
So beautiful, wonderful, so very strange;
In this time, suddenly I know
Everything has changed.

Every time we kiss I still feel that spark
But you've stopped even trying to win my heart.
I am more than sex, at least once before--
This is not who you are.

Now I'm waiting, again, alone by the phone;
You're so busy with work, with life, your home.
Stopped doing the things that made us fall in love.
Only nine weeks in and you're already done.

Never knew it could be like this--
So beautiful, terrifying, frightening, strange.
In this time, suddenly
everything has changed.

I still remember that first state of grace
And the hauntingly intoxicating way you taste.
The touch of your hands could still light me, I know.
That I'm right doesn't ease that I'm now sleeping alone.

Never knew it would end like this
So frightening, darling, so very strange.
And now I look, alone like before;
Nothing, here, has changed.

I should have listened to my head;
Love breaks and burns and leaves you in chains.
But a life, with you, I truly thought I had.
Yet everything has changed.

A life, with you, I believed I had;
But it was all rearranged.
Here, look at my life now.
Everything has changed.

Filled my mind
Like a wave overcoming the shore.
Forced my heart
Like you never had before.
On the ground, I look up at you as my blood paints the floor.
Are you happy now?
You're not asking for more.

I can't escape
You still haunt my every word.
I can't run away
From all the lessons you made me learn.
Just let me embrace this fire that follows me at every turn.
Are you satisfied?
You've tainted my soul.

Succumbed my heart
To all your lies
And doomed myself--
Wanting you still in my life.
To think, I said yes to be your wife.
Are you happy now?
You've won this time.

The central story of my life
Is a voice that cries
Balder the Beautiful
Is dead, is dead--

.

Balder the beautiful is dead, is dead;
These voices are all just in your head.
Like a story that's written after the end;
Balder the beautiful is dead, is dead.

Fire awakened now, escaping the hearth;
The longing for a longing that has already passed.
Desiring what never can be described;
Killing your catch before the lure is cast.

The idea of Autumn, the spirit of fall;
If you get it, you get it; if you don't--not at all.
Their ears are deaf to this spirit's call;
A kindred heart bears witness to the spirit of fall.

Love the summer, the spring, the winter endure;
But with passionate hatred and desire, the fall;
Questions of this intensity entertained:
No other season wrings such a toll.

Its brilliant radiance of glory inflamed and so caught;
But melancholy in its imminence; death so beloved bittersweet.
Tinging all of its beauty with sadness untold
And then I realized: this season is me.

I will never be summer, the simple happiness of spring;
But fall cannot last forever, they say.
And winter is behind, can you avoid that anew?
Fall fades into jadeness if you cannot fight straight.

A heart fading from fire to ice;
It's never Christmas; it's always snow.
The pen is drooping, the last word on the tip;
In every lie swallowed here dies a piece of her truth.

Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean I regret it;
Or at least, I didn't at the time.
The fuel of one heartbreak cannot feed the muse forever;
There is more sacrificed each time.

And she falls ever after into the hell
Of the choice between happiness and joy.
True love leaves no compromise
There's no going back today.

Happiness of summer and peace and contentment;
Or falling into the terrored uncertainty of joy.
There may be a day they're not mutually exclusive;
Today is not that day.

Autumn and fire and hearth and hell;
Fallen stars trace the graveways where angels once flew.
This fallen angel still remembers when she touched the skies;
Where the north wind blew.

A heart too tired to wander the earth
On an island unsought all the hopes are now laid.
But a soul of autumn cannot ever be happy;
A child of fall cannot peacefully stay.

The curse and the blessing of this soul
The central story will not rest till it reaches the end.
And I heard a voice that cried:

Balder the Beautiful is dead, is dead.

it's too late, you know.
i've fallen for you.
and there's nothing for you to do but catch me.

or let me fall.
you could do that too, you know.
let me crash and burn and hit the ground.

(i vote you catch me.)

because you're beautiful, and you don't know it;
with eyes like a sea after a storm
i never knew when we were together
how much hell it was to be alone.

you wrapped me in your arms and i felt safe;
now i'm left in a puddle on the ground.
loving you, never knew i would regret
knowing love could be that strong.

you ask my friends to watch over me now that you can't;
you still care about me that much.
well i'm still collected enough to lie, 
to say i'm strong enough.

i'm doing fine, what else can i say?
i can't tell you the truth.
that to be with you, to mend this break;
there's nothing i wouldn't do.

i remember our time like it was yesterday;
the last brilliant burst of fire in the fall
before the life of the tree dies to winter
and the radiance loses it all.

i miss you laughing at me waxing poetic;
i miss you knocking my analytical rants.
i miss fighting and crying and making up again;
at least there was something to make up.

always admired your work ethic;
how you worked so hard to please me too.
i never took that for granted, you know;
wish i had the chance to say that to you.

you're confident, so confident, you never doubt;
you are your own person, you know who you are.
wish we were still laughing on that old wood swing in your yard;
i miss the drives in your old chevy truck.

your boots, your country, your beer in hand;
the bonfires, the laughing, your funny old friends.
the tickle fights, you got me crazy laughing and annoyed;
i was glad i had someone to be annoyed at in the end.

like charlie and the redheaded girl
you touched me and i could fly.
never knew what it'd be like to lose those wings--
you pay when you fly that high.

you brought new depth to the meaning
of chemistry and fire and life.
our sparks were so tangible i could scarcely contain it.
will it keep burning now that we have died?

now i listen to country on the radio;
each song still reminds me of you.
now i like it, and i have no one to talk of it with;
or at least, no one like you.

and i learned to like beer, and i learned to love trucks;
and i loved all of your friends.
even learned about cars to talk of them with you;
now this is all just hanging on my hands.

that night in the kitchen, when we hit that wall head-on;
would god really do this? could we even try?
the wall was insurmountable.
and that was our last night.

i've been doing mental gymnastics for the past few days;
bending over backwards trying to find a hole
but that damned wall has no chink i can see.....
(wish that was just one of your short jokes.)

you keep doing your thing and moving on with your life;
i'll keep up with your friends to ask how you are.
i pretend it don't hurt me, but it tears me up like hell
to wish you well and let you go.

i still wish on those falling stars for us, love;
but my despair echoes in each empty sky.
i'd bleed myself out, but i know there's no hope.
so i guess this is, goodbye.

you're beautiful, and you don't know it.
wish your arms still eased my every night.
i'll miss you, darling, forever.

i guess this is goodbye.

because you're beautiful, and you don't know it.
because you're funny, and you don't see it.
because you're smart, and you don't realize how very rare all of this is. 
because you're popular, and you just ignore it.
because you're charming, and you never manipulate it.
and you're not a bitch, and frankly, dear, for a girl like this that takes some doing.

you throw your head back and you laugh with your heart
you get crazy excited over the stupidest things.
you love dancing and kids' songs and sprinkles and tag
and you don't care what anyone thinks.
you're the girl every girl is compared to,
as you're busy judging your own self.
your selflessness and confidence are undeniable;
you still wish on every falling star.

you are an all-or-nothing girl
throw yourself in every moment entirely.
you are wholeheartedly in or wholeheartedly out;
a guy gets all or nothing of you, dear.
you are loving and far too kind
for a girl with a too-trusting mind.
you still believe despite all your scars
people are still really good at heart.

a guy would consider himself lucky to have you;
a girl so holistically into life.
with passion threading through every fiber;
you kiss every day like it's the very first time.
and you laugh at nothing and toss your head back
like you're just asking me to kiss you away
and take your breath automatically, and you make it so obvious;
you make me feel more like a man each day.

you're the girl all guys meet and desire.
you're the girl every girl wants to hate.
you're the girl, when they know you, they can't bring themselves to;
you're the prize every guy wants to claim.

you're beautiful, and you don't know it;
you're smart, and you don't believe it too.
you're the kind of girl a guy never gets over.

i will never get over losing you.