lying in my bed watching the rain
splash like tears on my windowpane.
i was singing this morning when i woke up
now it’s hard enough just to breathe.

i didn’t have the answers, but i had you;
that was enough for me this time.
i was singing this morning when i woke up;
let me still be singing come the evening light.

if you could listen to your heart
if you could remember you spent twelve months fighting
to be with me, and you got me, and now it’s like
you’ve forgotten what we were fighting for tonight.

if you could listen to your heart
i was the girl you wanted above all else.
if i knew you’d remember that, i’d have waited, dear;
even when you walked and left me by myself.

lying in my bed crying tonight;
only god knows it all; only god knows why.
i was singing in the morning with your face in my heart;
i still believed you were coming back this time.

it’s impossible, a boy would want a girl so freaking bad
and when he got her, just give up.
i don’t understand anything, darling.
let me still be singing when evening comes.

if you could listen to your heart
if you could remember you spent twelve months fighting
to be with me, and you got me, and now it’s like
you’ve forgotten what we were fighting for tonight.

if you could listen to your heart
i was the girl you wanted above all else.
if i knew you’d remember that, i’d have waited, dear;
even when you walked and left me waiting by myself.

am i really such a masochistic freak?
to stick around for an emotional daily beating?
i put myself through hell, but i’d do it again;
if it meant, somehow, it’d end differently the next time.

and all i wish is i could hurt you the way you hurt me;
but i know if i had the opportunity
i wouldn’t do it.
i wouldn’t treat you the way you’re treating me.

i try to ease my soul in anger;
but i still love you too much for that.
can’t even indulge a righteous fury.
i still wish you would come back.

if you could listen to your heart
if you could remember you spent twelve months fighting
to be with me, and you got me, and now it’s like
you’ve forgotten what we were fighting for tonight.

if you could listen to your heart
i was the girl you wanted above all else.
if i knew you’d remember that, i’d have waited, dear;
even when you walked and left me by myself.

you were my best friend
don’t act like this isn’t the end.
i really thought it’d be different this time;
i never believed it was pretend.

if you could listen to your heart
remember for a year you wanted me.
why, when you got me, did you surrender that flag?
none of it makes any sense to me.

the song on my lips has died in my soul;
it was a symphony before you tore it all up.
yet i’d still be here if you wanted to learn it too;
if you could listen to your heart.

i wrote him a story, i wrote him a song;
i gave him my all when i gave him my love.
i sang him my soul, and i lost it to hell;
let me be singing once more when evening comes.

i sang him my soul, and i lost it to hell.
let me be singing when the evening comes.

(My take on the line TS used in her latest album.)

When you asked me out on the sixteenth
I swear my heart just skipped a beat.
I said “yes of course! Is there any doubt?”
And I was your girlfriend from that moment out.

We had so much fire, so much chemistry
The first night you kissed me was like touching lightning.
The sparks burned us up, left us awhirl;
You said you were one of the luckiest guys in the world.

Never knew it would be like this–
So beautiful, frightening, strange;
In this time, now I know
Everything has changed.

But barely in and you started to draw apart;
Like it didn’t matter if we didn’t talk.
And I called, and I tried, but I can’t pull both’s weight;
I don’t know how long, without you, I can wait.

Never knew it could be like this
So beautiful, wonderful, so very strange;
In this time, suddenly I know
Everything has changed.

Every time we kiss I still feel that spark
But you’ve stopped even trying to win my heart.
I am more than sex, at least once before–
This is not who you are.

Now I’m waiting, again, alone by the phone;
You’re so busy with work, with life, your home.
Stopped doing the things that made us fall in love.
Only nine weeks in and you’re already done.

Never knew it could be like this–
So beautiful, terrifying, frightening, strange.
In this time, suddenly
everything has changed.

I still remember that first state of grace
And the hauntingly intoxicating way you taste.
The touch of your hands could still light me, I know.
That I’m right doesn’t ease that I’m now sleeping alone.

Never knew it would end like this
So frightening, darling, so very strange.
And now I look, alone like before;
Nothing, here, has changed.

I should have listened to my head;
Love breaks and burns and leaves you in chains.
But a life, with you, I truly thought I had.
Yet everything has changed.

A life, with you, I believed I had;
But it was all rearranged.
Here, look at my life now.
Everything has changed.

Filled my mind
Like a wave overcoming the shore.
Forced my heart
Like you never had before.
On the ground, I look up at you as my blood paints the floor.
Are you happy now?
You’re not asking for more.

I can’t escape
You still haunt my every word.
I can’t run away
From all the lessons you made me learn.
Just let me embrace this fire that follows me at every turn.
Are you satisfied?
You’ve tainted my soul.

Succumbed my heart
To all your lies
And doomed myself–
Wanting you still in my life.
To think, I said yes to be your wife.
Are you happy now?
You’ve won this time.

The central story of my life
Is a voice that cries
Balder the Beautiful
Is dead, is dead–

.

Balder the beautiful is dead, is dead;
These voices are all just in your head.
Like a story that’s written after the end;
Balder the beautiful is dead, is dead.

Fire awakened now, escaping the hearth;
The longing for a longing that has already passed.
Desiring what never can be described;
Killing your catch before the lure is cast.

The idea of Autumn, the spirit of fall;
If you get it, you get it; if you don’t–not at all.
Their ears are deaf to this spirit’s call;
A kindred heart bears witness to the spirit of fall.

Love the summer, the spring, the winter endure;
But with passionate hatred and desire, the fall;
Questions of this intensity entertained:
No other season wrings such a toll.

Its brilliant radiance of glory inflamed and so caught;
But melancholy in its imminence; death so beloved bittersweet.
Tinging all of its beauty with sadness untold
And then I realized: this season is me.

I will never be summer, the simple happiness of spring;
But fall cannot last forever, they say.
And winter is behind, can you avoid that anew?
Fall fades into jadeness if you cannot fight straight.

A heart fading from fire to ice;
It’s never Christmas; it’s always snow.
The pen is drooping, the last word on the tip;
In every lie swallowed here dies a piece of her truth.

Just because I’m sorry doesn’t mean I regret it;
Or at least, I didn’t at the time.
The fuel of one heartbreak cannot feed the muse forever;
There is more sacrificed each time.

And she falls ever after into the hell
Of the choice between happiness and joy.
True love leaves no compromise
There’s no going back today.

Happiness of summer and peace and contentment;
Or falling into the terrored uncertainty of joy.
There may be a day they’re not mutually exclusive;
Today is not that day.

Autumn and fire and hearth and hell;
Fallen stars trace the graveways where angels once flew.
This fallen angel still remembers when she touched the skies;
Where the north wind blew.

A heart too tired to wander the earth
On an island unsought all the hopes are now laid.
But a soul of autumn cannot ever be happy;
A child of fall cannot peacefully stay.

The curse and the blessing of this soul
The central story will not rest till it reaches the end.
And I heard a voice that cried:

Balder the Beautiful is dead, is dead.

it’s too late, you know.
i’ve fallen for you.
and there’s nothing for you to do but catch me.

or let me fall.
you could do that too, you know.
let me crash and burn and hit the ground.

(i vote you catch me.)

because you’re beautiful, and you don’t know it;
with eyes like a sea after a storm
i never knew when we were together
how much hell it was to be alone.

you wrapped me in your arms and i felt safe;
now i’m left in a puddle on the ground.
loving you, never knew i would regret
knowing love could be that strong.

you ask my friends to watch over me now that you can’t;
you still care about me that much.
well i’m still collected enough to lie, 
to say i’m strong enough.

i’m doing fine, what else can i say?
i can’t tell you the truth.
that to be with you, to mend this break;
there’s nothing i wouldn’t do.

i remember our time like it was yesterday;
the last brilliant burst of fire in the fall
before the life of the tree dies to winter
and the radiance loses it all.

i miss you laughing at me waxing poetic;
i miss you knocking my analytical rants.
i miss fighting and crying and making up again;
at least there was something to make up.

always admired your work ethic;
how you worked so hard to please me too.
i never took that for granted, you know;
wish i had the chance to say that to you.

you’re confident, so confident, you never doubt;
you are your own person, you know who you are.
wish we were still laughing on that old wood swing in your yard;
i miss the drives in your old chevy truck.

your boots, your country, your beer in hand;
the bonfires, the laughing, your funny old friends.
the tickle fights, you got me crazy laughing and annoyed;
i was glad i had someone to be annoyed at in the end.

like charlie and the redheaded girl
you touched me and i could fly.
never knew what it’d be like to lose those wings–
you pay when you fly that high.

you brought new depth to the meaning
of chemistry and fire and life.
our sparks were so tangible i could scarcely contain it.
will it keep burning now that we have died?

now i listen to country on the radio;
each song still reminds me of you.
now i like it, and i have no one to talk of it with;
or at least, no one like you.

and i learned to like beer, and i learned to love trucks;
and i loved all of your friends.
even learned about cars to talk of them with you;
now this is all just hanging on my hands.

that night in the kitchen, when we hit that wall head-on;
would god really do this? could we even try?
the wall was insurmountable.
and that was our last night.

i’ve been doing mental gymnastics for the past few days;
bending over backwards trying to find a hole
but that damned wall has no chink i can see…..
(wish that was just one of your short jokes.)

you keep doing your thing and moving on with your life;
i’ll keep up with your friends to ask how you are.
i pretend it don’t hurt me, but it tears me up like hell
to wish you well and let you go.

i still wish on those falling stars for us, love;
but my despair echoes in each empty sky.
i’d bleed myself out, but i know there’s no hope.
so i guess this is, goodbye.

you’re beautiful, and you don’t know it.
wish your arms still eased my every night.
i’ll miss you, darling, forever.

i guess this is goodbye.

because you’re beautiful, and you don’t know it.
because you’re funny, and you don’t see it.
because you’re smart, and you don’t realize how very rare all of this is. 
because you’re popular, and you just ignore it.
because you’re charming, and you never manipulate it.
and you’re not a bitch, and frankly, dear, for a girl like this that takes some doing.

you throw your head back and you laugh with your heart
you get crazy excited over the stupidest things.
you love dancing and kids’ songs and sprinkles and tag
and you don’t care what anyone thinks.
you’re the girl every girl is compared to,
as you’re busy judging your own self.
your selflessness and confidence are undeniable;
you still wish on every falling star.

you are an all-or-nothing girl
throw yourself in every moment entirely.
you are wholeheartedly in or wholeheartedly out;
a guy gets all or nothing of you, dear.
you are loving and far too kind
for a girl with a too-trusting mind.
you still believe despite all your scars
people are still really good at heart.

a guy would consider himself lucky to have you;
a girl so holistically into life.
with passion threading through every fiber;
you kiss every day like it’s the very first time.
and you laugh at nothing and toss your head back
like you’re just asking me to kiss you away
and take your breath automatically, and you make it so obvious;
you make me feel more like a man each day.

you’re the girl all guys meet and desire.
you’re the girl every girl wants to hate.
you’re the girl, when they know you, they can’t bring themselves to;
you’re the prize every guy wants to claim.

you’re beautiful, and you don’t know it;
you’re smart, and you don’t believe it too.
you’re the kind of girl a guy never gets over.

i will never get over losing you.

Come to me
Take my hand
Why are you
So hard to understand?

Kiss my lips
Hold me closer.
Why do you stay
When your heart is farther away

Away
Away
Away

You are a symphony
My heart can barely grasp the key.
I cannot dance away
You know I have come to stay.

You are the skies to me
Soaring in sun-laced melody.
I cannot turn away to lose;
You are the song I choose.

Come to me
Don’t berate yourself for who you are.
Choose the girl
Who will annul your every flaw.

You’re scared to show
What you really want to know.
How am I supposed to stay
When you run so far away

Away
Away
Away

You are a symphony
My heart can barely grasp the key.
I cannot dance away
You know I have come to stay.

You are the skies to me
Soaring in sun-laced melody.
I cannot turn away to lose;
You are the song I choose.

I will not risk losing you;
You are the song I choose.